All grown up

I am standing on the stairs at the school. The other parents have gone on ahead of me and I’ve trailed behind. I can’t resist one more peek through the classroom window. Squidge is happily playing with E (thank goodness there is one other child from her nursery going to this school!) and the teacher is smiling at them both.

My heart clenches. This is only an hour’s induction, soon she’ll be wearing a uniform and doing this every day. It’s a good thing everybody else has left. I find myself standing under a big pink dragon and crying. I have enough presence of mind to notice that this hardly seems the best place to sob, a lurid dragon straight out of the 80s doesn’t match my mood at all.

I know I’m being pathetic. But my little girl. My Squidge. She’s growing up. Soon she’ll be a teenager who thinks I am the most uncool human being on the planet and then she’ll be off into the world, discovering it all for herself, and I’ll miss her. 

I know, it’s still many years from now, but those years are slipping past with unexpected ferocity. 2010 is already past the halfway mark and everybody I know is saying that they can’t believe it is moving so quickly. And in September my darling girl will start school.

As I stand here beneath that dragon, the same dragon she excitedly showed me as we came in the doors, I remember my labour. 10 days of hell that had me and Squidge close to the Big Nasty. And what was I thinking as they wheeled me into the theatre? Oh god, she will soon be a teenager and what if she doesn’t like me?? I asked my Husband this and got told to lay off the gas…

“Hey,” a man’s voice appears at my ear, “You ok?” 

“Yes,” I smile, “Some dragon bits fell in my eye, got it out now, though. Let’s get some coffee.” 

I’m not sure if E’s Dad believed me but he never said anything. Thank god I wasn’t wearing any make-up.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Gailene
    Jul 16, 2010 @ 03:15:42

    Tamsin, This made me cry, and took me right back to my ‘first’ day of being childless during daylight hours. Then you blink = they’re off at college, you’re happy that they’re embracing life and making their own path; but sad that it has all flown by so fast. Hug her, love her, smother her with zerbits!


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