Tragedy: Face Fell Off

Today, in a small town by the sea, Tamsin’s face fell off.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t know this was coming,” said her face, “I’ve been warning her for a while now. I mean, just look at my under-eye wrinkles! What did she expect?”

Tamsin is unavailable for comment but the local newsagent has reported a woman wearing a veil coming in to buy out his stock of coloured paper bags.

It was very strange,” said Mikhail, “She came in, bought all the coloured bags and then started cutting holes in them. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Boots spokesperson said that their online supplies of anti-ageing cream were sold out at 6am this morning.

Honestly, some women should just learn to pay more attention to their diet and sleeping habits,” said Emelda Markhurst, 48, “I’ve had sixteen Botox sessions and sleep in a foil mask packed with nutrient rich, collagen injected, anti-wrinkle gel and never leave the house during the day. This is why my face is still intact.”

Tamsin’s friends, Pie and K, are appealing to anyone who’s seen a woman roaming the streets wearing a paper bag to please contact them urgently so they can get her to counselling.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Passive Gourmet
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 09:32:34

    Love it! Hope you find your face.


  2. The Person
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 09:38:33


    Following earlier reports about Tamsin’s bid to hide her lack of face of from the unsuspecting world, it would appear that she’s inadvertently sparked a new trend.

    “I think it’s absolute genius,” said one fashion follower, “paper is the new pressed powder! If I could recognise Tamsin’s paper bag head I’d personally offer her my thanks for liberation from Max Faxtor.”

    Word on the street is spreading fast and the major fashion houses are reportedly offering large sums of cash for anyone who finds Tamsin; contracts for a new ‘Tamsin Head Bag’ ranges have been drawn up and a bidding war for her services, and obvious design flair, is currently in progress.

    We’ll bring you further news on this story as it breaks.


  3. Ian Mackay
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 10:02:47

    Must run in the family – but I have recently changed my look by moving away from plastic bags and using brown paper bags which are more carbon neutral and help prevent sweating and sunburn.


  4. Rachael
    Aug 05, 2010 @ 07:22:19



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