Tragedy: Face Fell Off

Today, in a small town by the sea, Tamsin’s face fell off.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t know this was coming,” said her face, “I’ve been warning her for a while now. I mean, just look at my under-eye wrinkles! What did she expect?”

Tamsin is unavailable for comment but the local newsagent has reported a woman wearing a veil coming in to buy out his stock of coloured paper bags.

It was very strange,” said Mikhail, “She came in, bought all the coloured bags and then started cutting holes in them. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Boots spokesperson said that their online supplies of anti-ageing cream were sold out at 6am this morning.

Honestly, some women should just learn to pay more attention to their diet and sleeping habits,” said Emelda Markhurst, 48, “I’ve had sixteen Botox sessions and sleep in a foil mask packed with nutrient rich, collagen injected, anti-wrinkle gel and never leave the house during the day. This is why my face is still intact.”

Tamsin’s friends, Pie and K, are appealing to anyone who’s seen a woman roaming the streets wearing a paper bag to please contact them urgently so they can get her to counselling.

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